Shopping for an ER

Why the hell do hospitals advertise their emergency rooms? More and more, I see these ads in print and on television, promising me that the care in this ER or that one is tops in the region, technologically advanced, and blah blah blah.

But you know, man, if I was, say, shot in the head, I don’t think I’d really comparison shop when it came to emergency rooms. No sir, if I was shot in the fucking head, I can say with total confidence that the one and only selling point that would matter when it came time for me to choose a hospital would be proximity to my gaping fucking head wound.

And furthermore, let me just say right now if I am ever loaded into an ambulance, only to have the EMT look back at me and say, “So where’ll it be, buddy?” like I’m hopping into a goddamned Yellow cab, you bet your ass before long, I’m not going to be the only one in the car who needs some frigging medical attention.

Although, I do hear Northwestern Medical is the best in the state at foot/ass extraction.