2 posts tagged “sex”
So the other day I'm talking to someone about mood music, and by mood music, I don't mean like "put you in the mood to mow the lawn" or what have you, I mean mood music. And I found myself saying this and realizing it was true:
If you're alone with the person you dig, listening to Al Green or Nick Drake, and you don't get laid... stop trying. It's not gonna happen.
We came to this decision Monday night. It's serious this time, too. Lawyers and filing papers and the whole bit. The process has yet to begin officially, but you can bet your ass this time it's for real.
There were the predictable moments of screaming, crying, blaming her, blaming myself, blaming her again, calling in sick to work, more screaming, some numbness, an appalling amount of drinking Southern Comfort, about half of a truly gut-wrenching post I'm never going to publish (title: "I Have Disappointed Everyone I Have Ever Known"), various attempts to distract myself with pop culture (including the long-delayed purchase of 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields), some whimpering, more drinking, a truly bizarre drunken email to her, more numbness, a couple of really uncomfortable phone calls with my parents, a really peculiar and sudden crush on Natascha McElhone, a gradual easing up on the drinking (aided in large part by the fact I'd run out of Southern Comfort), the inevitable stomach-turning moment wherein I picture my wife having sex with another man, followed immediately by a sudden lurid fascination with the prospect of having sex with new and various women, followed immediately by the harsh realization that it's going to be a really really long time before I have sex again, followed immediately by total terror at the thought of dating again, more numbness, several wistful recollections of the good old days, followed immediately by several painful recollections of our last days, and finally, the painful, but inescapable knowledge that this is all probably for the best.
So that's it, kids. This is really and truly the Diary of an Ineligible Bachelor now. We hope to have the thing wrapped up in six months or so, as it's pretty much an uncontested, no property to split kind of thing.
Me, I'm trying to just take a deep breath, and focus on enjoying the little things in life. And why the hell not? The big things aren't treating me so well lately, but I'm still going to keep my head up and try to look forward to getting up every morning.
